It's Not Real You Know!
by SK194
Summary: Some people in this world insist that Dark Angel isn't real. So what do the characters on the show think about that?


Disclaimer: For the last time until I write another fic, no I do NOT own Dark Angel!  
  
A/N: Anything you may see as character bashing in the following means nothing. Ben was my favorite character, Lydecker doesn't really annoy me to no end, and Max is not a duck. There. Now you know.

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So we've all heard it before. People insist upon telling you again and again that Dark Angel isn't real. The worst part is that deep down we know they are right, but even though we know, they keep on telling us, "It's not real you know?!" So I asked myself, 'what do our favorite Dark Angel characters think about this?' Thus I present.  
  
**It's Not Real You Know!**  
  
**Alec:** Well I can see why someone would invent someone like me as their fictional character. I mean, I'm funny, smart, well trained, a great kisser, not to mention drop dead gorgeous. It really doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I must be a fictional character. Guys like me just don't exist in real life. Which is too bad, because there are a lot of ladies who deserve me.  
  
Now my psycho twin brother on the other hand... What were they on when they thought him up? He's insane, a murderer, a wannabe dentist, and way too serious. All the guy had going for him was my good looks. Man, if I am a pretend person, I had better invent some good lookin' pretend girls. Later.

**Max**: What?! You've gotta be kidding me! So all this time I've been looking for my brothers and sisters, and they probably don't even know who I am?! What? They're not real either?! Oh. Well at least we're all on the same plane of existence then.  
  
What about Logan?  
  
Ah, I suppose that was a stupid question. Hey person in my head. Are you real? Yes? Oh, isn't that a little weird? It's not? Yes it is, the reader doesn't even know what you are saying!  
  
_(SK talking: Talk more about how you are all imaginary. Is that better?)  
_  
Okay fine. If I'm imaginary then I should be able to do stupid things and no one would thing of them as stupid because it's all pretend. Max walks around, pretending to be a duck.**Sketchy:** Man, did you see Max? She is acting like a duck man! Dude, am I supposed to be behaving like waterfowl? 'Cuz I wanna be... a swan!  
  
Oh, that whole not existing thing. After my friend breathed through his anus, he tried to do that. To not exist I mean. No dude, he didn't kill himself. That wasn't good enough. He wanted to make it so he never existed ever, dude.  
  
Then he realized that he wasn't real, I just made him up because I wanted something interesting to talk about with Max, so it was all good.  
  
Man, he was one cool guy.**Logan:** I've been thinking about doing an Eyes Only hack about this very issue. You know, it's been on the informant net for months now, I just can't come up with anything conclusive. Maybe Max could.  
  
Hey where is Max anyway? She was supposed to be here over an hour ago. I hope she's not in any trouble. Hopefully she didn't suddenly become non- fictional. That is my biggest fear in the whole "we're all make-believe" issue. If no one in post-pulse Seattle is real, what happens if one of us suddenly becomes real? I don't know what I would do if that happened to me. I might shave my head.**Normal:** I'm a man who knows what he believes in, and I believe that I do in fact exist. End of story. However I get the distinct feeling that I'm supposed to say more on this sub- Hey! Max! What in the.. Max! Stop it, get to work. Bip, bip, bip!  
  
I don't understand. Is she, pretending to be a duck? That certainly would never happen in anything resembling reality. Maybe it's true. Maybe I don't really exist! Damn it. I'm a fictional character and I'm not even the main character! At least I don't think I am. What have I done with my life? Nothing! Yet. The injustice of this all! I can't believe it. I'm not even real, and I can't even manage to be the star of the show. hangs head in shame And why _is_ Max acting like a duck?**Max again:** Okay so people do seem to be realizing the duck thing is weird. What's up with that?  
  
So people think it's weird for me to be a duck, but yet I'm still fictional. confused look that includes that vein on her forehead That simply doesn't make any sense at all.  
  
And what sort of sick bastard comes up with a character like me anyway? I mean seriously? Heat cycles? Who comes up with this? It's ridiculous is what it is. How could a real person be so cruel to inflict me with those dreaded cycles?! is evidently expecting a cycle soon and is pissed about this fact.  
  
Must have been a guy. Damn perverts. Not to brag, but I am hot. Who knew that my hotness was the cause of my heat cycles? I hate this fictional character crap! Now I just wish I could kill myself. Or just fly away and forget everything. Pretends to be a duck again.**Lydecker:** I can see why you might think that son, but we all do exist. Just, on a different level. On a, higher level. The real world, that is the base. It would have to be, it, invented us.  
  
But then, we exist on a higher level than they do. Above the base, where here, possibilities know fewer boundaries. You can achieve extraordinary things, once you've had the proper training.  
  
Come, I don't want to hurt you. I could never hurt you. And how do you even know that you are on the lowest level right now?  
  
What if you're also a fictional character. That would make me a fictional, fictional character. The possibilities, truly do know no bounds. Remember, what the mind can conceive the body and achieve, with the proper training. That offer still stands.  
  
_(BL Deck! You sound like a pervert!)_  
  
**Blue Lady:** What plane of existence does that put me on? I am ALL POWERFUL! cackles evilishly _(really, could she be in any of my fics and not be evil?)_

_  
_  
  
**Joshua:** Joshua not real? looks sad Joshua. gets excited JOSHUA PRETEND! HOOA! Joshua paints Joshua #87, Joshua pretend. Many colors!  
  
First Joshua hungry. Little Debbie, then Joshua #87. Little Debbie pretend too? Little Debbie not pretend?  
  
Macaroni cheese and liddle liddle cut up hot dogs! Liddle liddle hot dogs pretend? Liddle lidde cut up hot dogs Joshua # 88.

**Ames:** Apparently I'm a fictional character. Humph. If that were true I wouldn't need to jump rope so much to stay fit. And what sort of person would write 452 taking away my son like that? And was that supposed to be a good thing? Twisted sicko.  
  
Now see what I'm saying? I can't be a mere fictional character. No one's that heartless.  
  
Now the important question is, are the Familiars made up? Can't be! whines My entire life is a lie! Typical White temper tantrum, where things are thrown across the room.

_(I love it when you throw things across the room!)_

__

**Zack (Adam):** Would a fictional character be aware that they are fictional? No. The answer is no. And me, I've always known that this wasn't my life. This life is just... wrong.  
  
Therefore I can't possibly be a fictional character, because I know that I am fictional. Does that make sense?  
  
I hope so, because I have all sorts of barnyard work to tend to. Lots of manure. How can this be my life?! Anyway, I'm a very good farm hand.

**Tinga:** I can't tell you what a relief this is. It's simply horrible that anyone would do what was done to us at Manticore. I'm very glad to hear that it didn't really happen.  
  
Also, if you say I never existed, then I can't possibly have died. Do you know what this means?! I am SO alive! Oh, I can't wait to go and see Charlie and Case again!**Lydecker again:** Now you are thinking Tinga. I always knew you were special.  
  
_(Deck that's enough! You already HAD your turn!)_  
  
Max got two turns.  
  
_(Max wasn't rambling on about alternate universes and higher levels or whatever.)  
_  
You are weak minded and stupid.  
  
_(Obviously the lower level has some control over the higher level -HA!)_

(Deck looks grumpy.)

**Alec again:** Okay so I dumped the fictional girlfriend idea when I realized that it wouldn't work. Now I realize that this must be an entire make believe world in which a lucky few gesture indicating himself are given impossibly good looks, and a personality to die for. However we can't all make up people, only those on the outside can, which sucks. Making up people here just makes you crazy like Ben.  
  
So now I'm going to try and escape! I mean, I've already escaped Manticore, so freeing myself from the hold an imaginary land has over me ought to be unimaginably simple!  
  
Who knows, maybe I'll just end up in another fictional setting. I have always wanted to meet Big Bird.  
  
Speaking of birds, why is Max acting like a duck?**Lydecker again, again:** Ah, and all the X-series are coming to realize, their true potential and their true limitations. Once you have that in your grasp, you have nothing that can stop you.  
  
_(Deck, what did I already tell you?!)  
_  
I had something important, to say.  
  
_(I think the readers would rather know what Original Cindy thinks about our friend Duck Girl.)  
_  
What's up with that anyway?  
  
_(She's merely testing the limits of this fictional universe. Now shut up because it isn't your turn!)  
_  
All right! under breath Pissy lower level bitch.**Original Cindy:** Stupid ass, old, bad guy tryin' to step all over Original Cindy's turn! OC don't want none o' that.  
  
And what is up with my boo?! I hope this ain't no transgenic, Manticore thing, 'cuz we don't want 'em exposed you know what I'm sayin'?  
  
So ya think Original Cindy ain't nothin' but a fictional character, that it? I gotta tell ya, it's not true. I don't know what you're on, but Cindy's here, and I'm not goin' away. I really exist.  
  
The notion that I don't is a strait up insult! I don't wanna talk to you no more. 'Sides, I gotta hot run to deliver, outta my way.  
  
**Bling:** Well really, do people just disappear like that if they aren't fictional characters? Gone without a trace! Not even a mention of me from the other characters! People I thought were my friends.  
  
It's not like I was no longer of any use or anything! I knew about Eyes Only man. I could've helped him out with that, even if he did insist upon not doing any more PT. Oh, and that little blonde that replaced me. I would have like to have gotten to know her you know. We could've worked together, and had some sort of blossoming relationship as a side plot!  
  
If I had control of my own life I would have had that happen, but as I'm nothing but a figment of imagination, I have no control over my life. Don't let the convincing world fool you. You have no control!**Lydecker again, again, again:** Now son, that's no way, to be thinking.  
  
_(Lydecker! One more time and I'm gonna-)_

__  
  
**Asha:** Now who am I that's a fictional character? I've got this Huntress person quite fresh in my mind right now, but that doesn't seem right.  
  
Who is the other girl again? See, silly me, but the Huntress had way more air time, and as the blonde was also longer ago.  
  
Asha, yes. Of course she's made up! So was the Huntress too. Both fake. Jeez, you mean to tell me that people thought it was real? They were TV shows!  
  
Oh, were just talking about Dark Angel? Well yeah, that was a TV show if you talk about it by itself too. Duh!

_(Yeah Asha... Or Ashley, or whatever you want to be called. Your sanity is totally unappreciated. So away with you! I'd rather hear from Lydecker again.)_

__

**Lyd-**

_(Don't you even start!)_

__

So anyway: Logan went to Jam Pony to look for Max. She was over two hours late now and he was worried. What if something had happened to her? What if she had suddenly become real? The horror.  
  
Walking into the Jam Pony building, Logan was suddenly assaulted by the sounds of quacking. 'What on earth is going on with this place?' he wondered.  
  
Then Max rounded the corner flapping her elbows, and she shook her little imaginary tail at Logan.  
  
"Dude," Sketchy said, "Do you know what is up with her?"  
  
Logan just starred at Max in shock as she began running in circles, apparently trying to fly.  
  
"Logan this isn't some Manticore thing is it?" asked Original Cindy.  
  
Logan shook his head," I think she's just gone insane."  
  
"Hey! I'm really getting sick of this," said Normal from his cage. "You all tell your friend that if she doesn't behave like a sane human being within the next two minutes, she's fired!"  
  
Alec ran over and grabbed Max's arms holding them behind her back.  
  
"Quack!" she yelled. "Quack, quack, quack!" 

"Boo! What is the matter with you? You ain't a duck, so knock it off already!" yelled OC. Logan looked at Max curiously from behind Cindy.  
  
Max looked around at the gathered crowd smugly, a huge grin plastered on her face. Then with perfect comedic timing she declared, "IT'S NOT REAL YOU KNOW!"  
  
THE END.


End file.
